False Prophets and Unrighteous Gain

Okay, back to devotional stuff. I'll deal with my stupid staff later.

On the topic of false teachers, Jude 11 says, "Woe to them! For they walked in the way of Cain and abandoned themselves for the sake of gain to Balaam's error..."

For a moment, a fleeting moment, as I first read this, I wondered, "What's wrong with wanting to "gain" as a teacher?"

Because I am certain that God wants to bless true teachers with gain in terms of great wealth and riches! I mean....look at me, for instance!

Well, after meditating on this, I have gotten a revelation and decided that when it talks about Balaam's "gain," it isn't talking about monetary gain at all. No, it's talking about weight-gain.

That's right. There are some teachers out there who "abandon themselves" (meaning, they've really "let themselves go") and have packed on the pounds. They've gained a ton of weight.

All you have to do to see this is catch one my Lakewood Church services on television and then go and watch a show with that rat-bastard Kenneth (the Pagan) Hagin. Ha! I'm not lying here: I just now made up that rhyme. Praise God! Whooooooooo! I've got goose-bumps all over in the Spirit on that one. Kenneth Pagan! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.....

Anyway, you look at us: there I am, all trim and slim. I have not abandoned this temple of God to unrighteous "gain." Then, take a look at ol' Pile-O-Pudge Kenneth Pagan. What further proof do you need to show you who is actually the true prophet of God here, and who has gone the way of Balaam. That's obviously why Balaam was riding his donkey that one time: he was too fat to walk under his own power. God just now told me. Thank you, Jesus!

Thought for the day: Kenneth Pagan is fat as a pig.